• Life Coach Bindiya Murgai

How To Let Go Of Unhealthy Relationships and Cut Cords

Updated: Sep 26, 2019


Cutting Energy Cords is a two-part procedure. The first part involves introspection. And the other, de-cording. The reason you start with introspection is because when you allow others to have power over you, it's usually because there is a vacuum, complex, fear or disfunctionality that exists within. This allows for forming and nurturing of energy cords that tie you to people. Till you don’t find, recognise and acknowledge this, you will not be able to successfully cut the cord. And even if you do, you will either relapse into the same relationship or a similar one, and the pattern will continue.

Once you decide to cut cords with a person, it's best you take some time off from the person. Don’t be around the person for at least a while, as the intensity of the energy flow between you could come in the way of introspection and cutting the cord. Do be aware though, that in all likelihood, you’ll feel the energy connect even while being away, as energetic cording works across space. However, not sharing the same physical space is very helpful.

Before reading any further, it may be useful to read or revisit the previous blog post on Energy Cords & Their Impact On You Before

Part 1: Introspection

A lot of people fear the word “introspection,” just as many of us fear having to spend time alone. Yet, to look within, to have the strength, and resolve to peep into your heart, mind and soul is very empowering. Here’s how to get started on the path, keeping the goal of de-cording or cutting cords as your focus.

1. Assign time every day, for at least 7 days that is for the sole purpose of introspection. Ideally an hour.

2. Ensure that you have privacy and are undisturbed. Switch off your phone.

3. Keep a pen and journal, or any other writing device with you. Avoid very small screens as they become more of a distraction than a useful tool.

4. Sit down in a comfortable position. Take a few deep breaths. Now bring your awareness to the person with whom you wish to cut the unhealthy cord.

5. Write down why you want to cut cords with this person. It’s very important you write, even if you don’t like to write. This helps you frame your thoughts better and gives momentum to them. Do be brutally honest. Don’t filter or censor your thoughts. The effectiveness of this exercise is directly related to how honest you are with yourself.

Here are a few questions to get you started...

Ask yourself these questions but don’t limit yourself to just these. Add questions that are specific to your situation. And don’t try to ask yourself all these questions in one go. Spread it over a few days so you can give them a good, deep thought. Bear in mind that the questions that seem the toughest, or the ones you just feel like avoiding, are the ones whose answers hold critical information about your situation.

  • Why do you think it’s an unhealthy cord?

  • What does this person deplete you of?

  • How does the person make you feel?

  • When do you think this cord was formed and what was the purpose it served at the time?

  • How does this relationship serve you now?

  • What need has it filled in your life?

  • How has it made you feel about yourself?

  • When, how and what made you realize the relationship was unhealthy or turned unhealthy?

  • What prevented you from cutting the cord earlier?

  • What are your fears about cutting the cord?

  • What will change in your life after you cut the cord?

  • What will NOT change in your life after cutting the cord?

  • What will NOT change in your life if you DO NOT cut the cord?

  • Will cutting the cord create any kind of a vacuum in your life?

  • If so, how can you fill it in a healthier manner?

6. Let your emotions flow

When you are writing, do so with emotion. Feel your words and instead of mechanically performing the exercise. Let your feelings flow out and if you want to cry, then cry. Scream or even abuse, if it that’s what you feel like doing. Let your feelings flow with abandon, only then will you be able to cleanse your emotional system.

7. Use positive language

Avoid using negative words like can’t, won’t or don’t. Instead use positive language and affirmations. Instead of saying, “I don’t want to be hurt,” say something like, “I am now free from hurt.” This sends a positive signal to your subconscious and to the Universe.

8. Digest your thoughts

Once you have some thoughts and answers written down, digest them over the span of a few days. Take time to soak in and process the information.

9. Sharing with someone you trust

Share your thoughts with someone only if you fully trust them and are sure they have hidden motives, agendas or allegiances.

10. Need to Talk

If you really feel the need to talk to someone, then talk to a neutral person, ideally a counselor with some healing experience.

11. Express gratitude

Towards the end of the exercise, write down the most important lesson you have learnt from this relationship and what it is that you are grateful for. It may not seem like an unhealthy relationship leaves you with any #gratitude, but when your dig deeper, there’s always something to be grateful for. Maybe you are grateful that you found the strength to stand up for yourself, or learnt to respect yourself. Or gained the courage to chose a better life for yourself.

12. Fill the Void

Once you have done the above, which may take a few days, you will arrive at the final phase of your introspection and writing. At this point, you have to narrow down and express how and with what you would like to fill the space that will be freed up, once you end the unhealthy relationship you are cutting cords with. Don’t leave the space empty and unplanned. Know in what healthy and fulfilling manner you will refill that space. Imagine it and write it in great detail and always keep this thought in the front of your mind. This is a key step in creating a healthier and happier future.

13. Submit to the Universe

At the end of all your writing, and purging, have a small private ritual where you will submit all your deepest, most honest thoughts, gratitude and desires to the Universe. Collect all your notes and wrap them in a thin white paper. Light some incense or a smudge stick, or sage sticks and let the smoke from these filter through your notes. Then in a private place, burn all your notes. While you are doing this, say a little prayer to God or the Universe. It can be on these lines…

Thank you for giving me the strength to identify and end my unhealthy relationship with XYZ (Person’s name). I humbly submit my deepest thoughts, fears and insecurities to you, knowing they will be accepted with love, kindness, and acceptance. Please assist me in gently releasing and cutting the cord that binds me and XYZ (Person’s name) together. Let my heart forgive his/her Higher Self, and his/her heart forgive me for any pain or suffering that I may have knowingly or unknowingly caused. Please dissolve all energetic links between us and free me on all realms from XYZ (Person’s name). I seek your blessings to help me move forward with my life in a healthy manner, to create a new reality for myself and fill my life with (name what you seek to fill the void with).

14. Cleanse yourself

On completing the ritual, take a long shower using salts that are rubbed all over your body. Try to ensure that you have some peaceful time by yourself later.

Part 2: Cutting Cords or De-cording

This can be done anytime after you have finished the first part of this process. Work on this for as long as you feel you need to. You may need to do this meditation daily for a few weeks, or even a few months. Remember it can take time to decord from a deep relationship. Don’t be in a hurry, and have patience. The point is to release and purge all energies that you do not need. Release patiently, gently and with love.

There should be no disturbances or distractions at the time. This is a meditative visualization exercise so feel the images you are creating with clarity, intensity and emotion. Sit or recline in a quiet place. Occassionaly you may slip into deep meditation and fall asleep. Don’t worry about it. This is okay.

1. Still your mind by taking 30-40 long, deep breaths. Inhale with your stomach out and exhale while pulling your stomach in.

2. Close your eyes and visualize a walking bridge in a safe, secluded and quiet place. Imagine yourself standing on one end of this bridge, and the person you wish to cut cords with is standing on the opposite end of the bridge.

3. When this image becomes clear in your mind and you feel ready to energetically connect with the other person, start walking slowly to the middle of the bridge.

4. Let the other person to walk toward you, meeting you half way, in the middle of the bridge.

5. Make eye contact with the person. Have a gentle expression on your face, and gentleness in your heart. Visualise the other person in a calm and gentle state as well.

6. Once you make eye contact, tell the person about your feelings in a calm and objective manner. Share why you need to decord and its importance for you. Tell the person that you are sorry for all of the things you said or did that may have hurt him/her. Tell him/her that you are forgiving him/her for all the hurtful things that were said or done in your relationship. Do not be angry, bitter, vindictive, sarcastic or cynical. You may have this dialog in your mind or say it out loud.

7. Say your good-byes, wishing each other well once you part ways. Then turn around and walk off the bridge, without looking back. 
You may feel the other person is still standing there, let him/ her be. They may need their time to let go. Don’t give any energy to it.

8. End with a little prayer to God or the Universe. It can be on these lines…

Thank you for giving me the strength to identify and end my unhealthy relationship with XYZ (Person’s name). Please assist me in gently releasing and cutting the cord that binds me and XYZ (Person’s name) together. Let my heart forgive his/her Higher Self, and his/her heart forgive me for any pain or suffering that I may have knowingly or unknowingly caused. Please dissolve all energetic links between us and free me on all realms from XYZ (Person’s name). I seek your blessings to help me move forward with my life in a healthy manner, to create a new reality for myself and fill my life with (name what you seek to fill the void with).

Bear in mind that when you release someone’s energy they often feel it. Weather they can point a finger on it or not, they will feel a lack of something, which is your energy. You may suddenly find the other person trying to contact you, but you must avoid being drawn into the cycle of negative exchange of energy. Keep your focus on cutting your cords or decording. Do bear in mind that even if the person does not contact you, the decording will still work.

Please do not use this meditation in the hopes that someone will contact you, as it will be counter productive and only keep you energetically attached and corded.

You may need to repeat the decording procedure a few times. Sometimes when the energy connect is too strong, or one has truly felt the other to be a soulmate, the process can take a little time. Have faith and trust the process.

I wish you all the best in your journey to cut cords with unhealthy relationships, and hope that space is filled with positivity and joy. Stay blessed. Namaste!

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bindiya.murgai@gmail.com

Ketti, The Nilgiris, Tamil Nadu, India